Perspective

A few weeks ago I had a customer interaction that has stuck with me.

An elderly woman came in wanting to get some things organized for a group she was a part of, and, since she is unable to travel to the meetings any longer, she needed to be able to share her work with everyone else.  However, she was determined not to "waste" my time, so she laid all her things out and attempted to get right to work without my assistance. 

Honestly, I have seen this before.  People think they can do it themselves and then I end up spending more time explaining how things work than I would have spent if I had just done it myself.  So, unfortunately, I was a tad impatient from the get go, and as she started asking questions my irritation was growing.  I would set things up perfectly so that all she needed to do was hit a button and switch out her material, then get back to what I was doing.  Then, a minute or so later I would hear her little voice asking for help.  She kept saying "Sorry, Grandma is old and needs you again" or "Grandma hit the wrong color" or something else along those lines, always referring to herself as Grandma and calling me sweetie or honey. 

I will readily admit to anyone that I was annoyed.  I had a lot to do and every few minutes I would have to give the same instructions with the same response. But then, she started telling me her story.  No matter how frustrated I get with people or how busy I am, hearing stories is one of the greatest parts of my job, and this was no different.  She thanked me for being so helpful and told me all about how her husband used to do these things for her, and he used to travel with her, and now that he had passed she had to rely on other people.  Unfortunately, I hear a lot of stories that just about break my heart, but this one was different.  All of the sudden, she wasn't just some frustrating customer because she reminded me so much of my grandma on my dad's side.  This little, amazing woman was important to someone, and right now she needed to be important to me.  Any time I would walk away, I would think about my own grandma and how upset I would be if people weren't patient with her or didn't stop to listen to her story.  Obviously, my approach to her completely changed.  I still had a lot to do, but each time I stopped to help her, she would explain a little more about her project and I stood there and listened until she was done.  Towards the end, she started talking about how she had been watching me move around so quickly (Side Note: when I am busy I tend to move much quicker & my brain gets focused on so many things that I can't hold any other thoughts until I am finished, I can only imagine how unorganized it looks, but I promise my brain has it under control & it gets the job done fast) Anyways, she mentioned the speed at which I was working and she said it made her sad that the world moves much quicker than it used to.  She then went on to tell me about how you can't trust boys and I need to always keep smiling my beautiful smile and that she truly appreciated that I was nice to Grandma for 5 whole hours.
 (that's seriously how long she was in the store). 

It's funny really, the things that stick with us.  I had never seen that woman before, and I will probably never see her again, but she left such an impression.  It was a moment that helped me put things in perspective, and it is going to sound super cliche and cheesy, but I was reminded that every single person you interact with has a story.  In the hustle and bustle of a day, it's hard to take a step back and appreciate what you could be learning or understand how much your time means to someone, but every once in a while someone will come along that will force you to realize it, and it's wonderful. 

What this fabulous woman taught me, which is almost more important than anything else, is that I have a story, too.  If I can't slow down and enjoy it, no one is going to do it for me.  These last few months have gone by so quickly & I am sure it will only speed up as more changes start happening for me, so I need to be ready, because who knows what my story will teach someone.  I look forward to the day when I am much older & I catch the attention of some stressed, overwhelmed, busy, annoyed kid and they have enough patience to listen to whatever I have to teach them.  I just really hope, for their sake, that it's something awesome :).

When It Happens

I have debated a while about posting this, because it could potentially hurt feelings, but I started posting specifically to share things like this, so here we go.

Breaking up sucks.  Especially when it's a serious, long-term relationship.  It happens all the time, for all sorts of reasons.  But no matter how serious or how long or why or when or who does it, breaking up will always suck.

Everyone deals with break ups differently.  Some people find rebound relationships to maintain that connection to a person, some people sleep around to fill the void, some cry for days and don't eat or sleep, some bury it somewhere and pretend like they are just fine, some do crazy things to distract themselves, some do a variation of all of those at the same time. 
Unfortunately, none of those things really help the fact that something has just been broken.  A heart, a friendship, a family.  Honestly, the only thing that really helps is time, although not one single person will feel any comfort from being told that when they are hurting, so I don't know why people even bother.

In my last relationship, I initiated the break up.  I think I caught everyone by surprise, myself included, but it's true.  However, if I am being completely honest, in order for me to get to that point I must have been ready for a while.  When I am in a relationship, I give everything.  It's dangerous and reckless and downright stupid, but it's the only way to do it. If a person isn't going to like something about me, I would rather get it out of the way in the beginning. Part of giving everything also means that I will work as hard as I can to make it work, no matter what that may require.  Most recently, it meant losing quite a bit of myself.  It wasn't the fault of anyone else, that's just what happened.  I had a lot to learn about myself before I even got into the relationship and I never took the time to do so.  All the things that I like about myself were muted- my happiness, my passion, my excitement.  I was so determined to make the pieces fit that I was actually attempting to change who I was, which ended up making things worse.  Don't get me wrong- we had some really awesome moments, these previews of what it could be like if the big issues weren't there, moments where a happily ever after for us wasn't such an imaginary concept.  So when the break up came, it was really hard.  Saying the words "I can't do this anymore" was one of the most difficult moments of my life, but it was also one of the strongest. In saying that, I was admitting defeat.  I could change all I wanted, but it wasn't going to help any because I wasn't being me anymore. 

Not only was I ending a relationship, but I was losing my best friend.  It also meant that I would be alone for the first time since high school.  No boyfriend, no roommate, no family around.  Just me.  Anyone who knows me should know how big of a deal that is, because I hate being alone.  So began the "getting over it" process.  I cried, I stumbled, I got angry, I whined, I stood up and fell back down lots of times, I annoyed my friends, I relied on my family, I learned, I laughed, I begged for it to change, I tried to ignore it...

And here comes the purpose behind this post: I did it. I got over it. I survived.

That phrase sounds silly/dramatic, but it is exactly what I did.  It's like when you are sick for a long time, or you have a bad injury- sometimes you don't realize how bad you were feeling until you don't feel bad anymore.  One day, it's all better. I didn't realize how much I wasn't myself until I found out what it was like to be me again.  I have friends from college that just recently got to see who I really am, and it feels amazing. 

Each day I learn something new about myself & I must admit- I am pretty awesome. I love with all I have, I laugh way too loud & too often, I am silly, I get frustrated, I love my dogs like children, I over think things, I am sensitive, I love to organize, I like being on time, I have dance parties all by myself, I don't make my bed every day, I pick up after myself, I get grumpy when I'm hungry, I read books too fast, I make plans. Most of all- I'm okay.  I'm living my life for me, and I'm ready for whatever gets thrown my way now.

I know I am sharing way more than necessary to get my point across, but I could care less, because it's important to me.

I know I will still have moments that are tough, little things still might sting, but that's alright because I am me again. I will always love him & I want him to be happy, but I want me to be happy, too. No one can tell you how long it will take to get over a break up, or a loss of any kind, but it will happen & when it happens, it will feel amazing.