Lessons Learned

During my senior year of high school I sang "Lessons Learned" by Carrie Underwood for our Follies show in the spring.  At the time, it meant quite a bit to me.  It reflected a lot of what I was feeling as a big part of my life was coming to a close and another one was beginning, it covered a lot of the oh-so-dramatic high school scenarios that I had been a part of, and it was a nice way to share thoughts that I wasn't able to create words for quite yet.

Now, as I am nearing another one of those moments and finishing another senior year, that song has managed to mean more than I ever thought it could. 

Mistakes are so frustrating. It doesn't matter if it was an accident or something you had time to think about. Whether it be locking the keys in the car, messing up a homework assignment, or something bigger, like stealing or betraying someone you love, they all make an impact somehow.  Making a mistake can ruin your day, alter your routine, or change your life. 
Mistakes are scary.

I am not a big fan of making mistakes, as I am sure no one really is, but as I have gotten older and made more signifcant ones, I have started to think about them much differently than ever before. There are a few things that stick out more than others that I spent way too much time punishing myself for.  Assuming that I shouldn't be happy or I shouldn't succeed because of some dumb decision I made, and I must deserve or have somehow earned any bad thing that comes my way.
How silly is that?
I have boldly decided that our minds should never be allowed to regret a mistake that we learned something from.  I know that it is only my job to look at it that way, but there should be some sort of office in our brains that makes sure that it happens for good. 

Before I had the realization that punishing myself was total nonsense, I thought about what causes mistakes.  I looked back at the significant ones and tried to remember how I felt or what I was thinking that led to me doing things that were totally out of character and made no sense.  I had to really look at what brought me to that point, what the real issue was, so that I could make sure I was never in a position where making the same mistake was even possible. 

Mistakes can begin to define a person, and that isn't right. I let my worst mistake define me for almost 3 years.  That's 3 years of my life that I spent, no, that I wasted full of regret, thinking I deserved the worst, settling for less than the best, deciding that I had forfeited my chance at anything more. That's all I could see, that's all I believed in.  I refused to forgive myself for the things I had done. It was so wrong of me to think that my actions warranted all of that, yet I couldn't let it go.

Now, I am learning to forgive myself for things.  I have focused on what I learned, what I gained, what happened as a result, and finally, what I would have missed in life had I not made those mistakes. I have finally been able to realize that the last 3 years I have been blessed with so much more than I could see.  I have gotten close to people that I never would have met, I have taken opportunities that never would have come along, and I have grown more than I ever thought possible.  I know that I have a lot of mistakes still to make, but I am determined to make sure that I have no more regrets, just lessons learned.

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some bitter endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo,
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
Life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should've taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.
And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are all the things that make you strong,
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone,
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
Everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.