When I don't understand

Life has been...interesting.

The details of it don't really matter, but amidst all the craziness, some pretty awesome things have happened for me. I'm still working on finding my place, but each day it becomes more clear to me & it's exciting. 

This last week, my niece asked me to put her to bed 2 nights in a row. 

Let me tell you, few things will make you feel more loved than a 3 year old requesting you for bed time. 

Right before bed each night, she gets 5 minutes of back scratching before it's time to fall asleep on her own. As I rubbed her back & listened to her sleepy time playlist, which consists of instrumental versions of worship songs, I thought about everything I'm dealing with & all the pain I see in me & in others.  Both of those nights I couldn't help but pray over her. As I felt her breath steady beneath my hand, I couldn't help but think about the fact that she'll feel pain and frustration in life, but I prayed that she's always surrounded by enough love & grace that the dark will never seem like a dead end & that people would see the kindness in her & give it in return, and she would always have a full and happy heart. 

And then Friday happened and those simple things I prayed for meant so much more. 

I'm sure those children had people praying for them, so why weren't those prayers answered? Why weren't those children kept safe and without pain? Does that mean my words for my niece are useless? Should I pray harder or more often? Or was it just an evil that overtook someone that we can never understand?

I hope in this time we can just love each other. Simply, fully. 

Now, I hope that even when she doesn't understand, when any of us can't quite make sense of things, that we can still look around & see beautiful moments & proof that we are loved & that we're all in this together, even when the world seems to be crumbling. 

Who knew a 3 year old could provide so much peace for me?